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In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.

Director: Uwe Boll

Staring: Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds

Farmer, was an orphan raised by the town he lives in, grew up to be a “farmer”.  He is a man who has a loving family but yet he can’t say those magic words to his wife, “I love you.”  His peaceful life is turned upside down when a race of humanoid creatures, the Krugs, attacks his peaceful village.  With his son killed and his wife missing Farmer goes on a quest to find his wife and bring the man who killed his son to justice.  Well, justice at the tip of his blade.

First of all before the “I told you so comments” come flying, yes I knew about how bad this movie was going to be.  We where bored and figured no matter how bad this movie was, it does have Jason Statham in it so the fighting should be good.  Well, we could not have been more wrong.

To start with the story was full of holes and well pretty crappy.  There was not one original thought put into this movie.  Everything was predictable and contained no surprises.  Well let me rephrase that, I was surprised to see that the theater didn’t empty out completely but I did see at least three people walk out before the middle of the movie.

The editing looked like it was done by a fifth grader.  The movie is jumpy going from scene to scene and it looks like transition scenes were cut out and left on the floor.  It almost looked like they either had a three hour long movie or this was actually two movies to start with but they realized the movie was so bad there was no chance for a sequel that they cut it down to two hours regardless of how it looked.  This movie was two hours of pure torture.

Let’s talk about the acting.  It honestly looks like there was no effort put into the acting in this movie.  I believe someone has photos or dirt on the actors in this movie and that’s why they appear this disaster.  When Bert Reynolds appeared you could hear this collective gasp/laugh in the theater.  It was one of those situations where as a group we all went “OMG just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse”.  The expression on his face to me summed up the movie experience.  He had this expression that he didn’t want to be there but since he was he might as well finish the job.

How about those lesbian tree women!  Well ok even that coudln’t help the movie.

Final Thoughts

I really don’t know what else to say at the time.  This move was a disaster from start to finish.  There is absolutely nothing that can save this movie, well expect maybe hire a priest to perform an exorcism. 

Score:

Story: Missing one story.  Last scene sometime before the writers strike.

Action: 0 out of 5

acting: 0 out of 5

Final: 0 out of 5

Note: this movie is so bad I’m not even going to look for a picture. 

movie. fantasy. review. Uwe Boll. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. bad movie.

Director: Michael Davis

Staring: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci

 Mr. Smith, minding his own business at a bus stop drinking coffee gets his world turned up side when a pregnant woman runs past him, being chased by a man who does not have her best interests in mind.  Of course things turn violent and Mr. Smith finds himself in the middle of a gun fight delivering her baby. 

As luck would have it the mother is shot in the head and now Mr. Smith is the proud father of a baby boy.  Running from very bad men, he tries to stay one step ahead of them not only for his sake but also to save the life of his prostitute friend and unravel the mystery as to why so many people have a special interest in the life or death of a new baby.

While Shot ‘em Up is not rich in story, it’s full of over the top action.  To me watching this movie was like watching a ballet of bullets and carnage.  Personally I thought the story was a little weak and for the most part it gave you just enough to get the viewer from one shoot out to the next.  This is the type of movie that makes for a great rental.  It doesn’t require you to use many brain cells but it delivers in visual action.

If you watch the special features, you’ll see where the writer/director, Michael Davis, was watching the John Woo movie Hard Boiled when he came up with the idea for this movie.  Specificly he was watching the part when Taquila was in the hospital with a baby stuck in the middle of a massive gun fight.  He thought woudn’t that be a great idea for a movie.  While this may not appeal to everyone I have to admit watching this was like watching a John Woo movie.

 Paul Giamatti does an awesome job of playing the villian Hertz.  Hertz is one of those villains who’s super smart but not smart enough to handle his family life at home.   

One problem I had with the movie is at times the baby looked so fake it was a distraction.  While I understand you can’t use a real baby for all the scenes I guess I was just hoping that they would have taken better care to make a more realistic looking baby.  At times I think it looked just like a football.

Final Thoughts:

While you won’t get a well written story, you will get an awesome shoot em up style action movie.

Score:

Story: 2 out of 5

Action: 4. 2 out of 5

Total: 3 out of 5

This score is more for the action lover.

Shoot em up. Movie. Review. action. Clive Owen. Paul Giamatti. Monica Bellucci